LittleLotte1391's Phantom Poetry

[Masked Shadows]

Some laughed, some screamed, the younger ones cried,
But seen differently through one child’s eyes.
The girl saw torment to another so young,
She saw a boy, small and weak but still so strong.

The time now had come to set myself free,
From the bars which till then had been holding me.
And there with ease a rope became a lasso,
And with one swift pull his neck broke into two.

I slipped through the bars and ran with the girl,
Where then I hid from the rest of the world,
My life had changed forever that night
That night known to them as the Devil Child’s Flight.

[Marguerite]

Ooh I like that. Good rhythm!

~Marguerite~

[Luciana]

I like it! It struck me as slightly choppy in a few areas, but it's really good. That may have really been how they thought after he escaped. Write more, you're a good poet.

[Masked Shadows]

This one I did in school... I didn't try too much on it but it rymes! I have 3 or 4 more poems if anyone wants me to post them.


The Mob was coming quickly,
She had to really had to hurry.
He’d taken her away,
In all in all his raging fury.

She was getting closer,
Meg knew lives were at stake.
If only she could find it,
That house upon a lake.

There it was! The water’s edge!
She was closer now.
She climbed into the shallow pool,
And through the water the girl did plow.

The cave was cold and empty,
No signs of any fight.
And when that mob did arrive,
They’d be angered at such a sight.

A glint of white caught her eye,
What ever could it be?
The phantom of the Opera’s mask!
Did this mean that he was free?

[Luciana]

That was really good! I would love to hear the rest of your poems! Post them and I'll read them. :D

The flow on this one was good. I really liked it. :duck:

[Masked Shadows]

I Was There

When you first entered the theatre,
I was there.
When you first began to dance,
I was there.
When you first sang, my angel,
I was there.
When you cried for your father,
I was there.
When you first heard your angel,
I was there.
When you took center stage,
I was there.
When you chose your dear Vicomte,
I was there.
In your mind, in your dreams,
I was there.
I Always will be there.

[Luciana]

That strikes me as angst... was that what you were going for? Good reflection on the past. It seems very on target for Erik's personality, and it still holds the element of obsession that he had the entire time. Nice job. :D

[Masked Shadows]

This one doesn't flow very well in my opinion.

All I'll Need

She was the Opera’s Prima Donna,

And I just a little ballerina.

She got a room, all dusted and clean,

I shared a dorm with another 3.

She got her Vicomte on a tall white steed,

And all the money she’ll ever need.

I had my mother and my friends,

I guess that’s all I’ll need in the end.

I wonder where she’s off to now?

Singing in London? Rome? Moscow?

Maybe in even in America? I don’t really know,

I just hope she’s happy, wherever she chose to go.

I wonder if she would remember me?

I know I’ll never forget, my best friend, Christine.

[Luciana]

I hope you don't mind constructive critism... but it sounds fine in some places, but at one point, it's a little choppy. Just in the I wonder where she’s off to now? Singing in London? Rome? Moscow? part. Is there a way you could add maybe two more beats? Add an 'Or even' or something like that... Maybe works too.

That was the only hitch I saw, the rest of it was great. :D

[Masked Shadows]

Constructive Critism is fine! I have to go to bed so here are my last 2, they are short and simple:

She Was There

He saw her there,
So young and stout.
He heard her there,
An angel no doubt.
He followed her there,
Seen by none.
He entranced her there,
An angel to one.


All In One

A Magician,

An Artist,

A Sculptor,

A Painter,

An Angel & A Devil,

All in One. Yet No Love From Anyone.

[Luciana]

Those are really good. The last one seems like a motto... Like it's Erik's own personal subtitle. I liked how in the first one, you used a different style of rhyme then in the others, I've always loved ones like that.

Night.