The Phantom's Opera
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Name: margarita | Gender: lonely heart | Posts: 38 | Roses: 10
Old 03-26-2008 at 10:00 PM
cornholianphantomess
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The Extremely Random Phantom Sequal!!!!!!  Post [1]


Okay guys,to enjoy this,let your IQ drop 12 points,cause this is retatarded.
It takes off exactly where the movie left off,and I added myself(as Ally) and my friend(as Jerri)(we wrote this together).I tell it in kind of a documentary form.And its...kinda,well,its just me!(you understand)And it has no respect for reality!For anyone who loves nonsense!Here we go now....

Chapter one


Christine and Raoul get out of the boat and they go to the bank.She asks"Why are we at the bank?".He says"To get your rich daddys moolah!"She says"What?!!You only like me for my money?!!"He says "Of course not!Its just were too far away from my estate,and I spent my last deposit on a new sweater,and we got to live on somebodys cash,So whats in your Wallet?"And so they get the cash.Meanwhile,Phantom is walking to the backup lair,when he hears some small footsteps behind him.He tuns and sees Oliver Twist standing behind him.Ollie looks a little startled at the 2nd/3rd degree burn,but asks"Please,sir,may I have some more?"Phantom gives an annoyed look,and uses his magical lasso on him,and keeps going.An angry mob and Meg find the main lair.Meg holds mask and realizes that all this time she was jealous of Christine and Raoul,she was really in love with the conductors son(who plays in the orchestra pit).Meg thinks nothings wrong with dating a violinst,so she and the mob take stuff from Eriks lair,and go home to watch whatever they saved on TiVo.Jerri finds Andre and they leave the opera to get married in Vegas,and then go on a cruise.(Carnival has the best ships,ya know).Since Erik knocked Piangi into a coma during Don Juan,Carly is sitting beside his hospital bed crying.In the opera house,Ally is faced with a crowd.They say"She helped the Phantom ruin the opera as a dancer in disguise!We knew we shouldn't have trusted the Africans!Get her!"Ally makes like an egg and beats it into Chrissys dressing room.She sees the half open mirror,and goes through and closes it behind her and keeps running.Erik is sad over losing the love of 14 years and is still walking to the backup lair,when he hears running ahead!Ally bumps into him.They look at each other.Ally says"They're chasing me because of my color and I have nowhere to go"He says "They hate me cause of my 2nd/3rd degree burn,and I burnt the opera"Then they look into each others eyes and its love at first sight.Then a cellar rat gets a mic and starts singing"This Magic Moment!"So Erik takes her to the backup lair and Ally calls the crows to bring them cakes.Meanwhile Chrissy tells Raoul that even though she loves him,30%of her heart still belongs to Erik.Raoul understands that to win over that 30% he must sing like Erik.So Raoul leaves Erik a note asking for lessons,and if he could have that ring back since it was an heirloom.Three months pass and the opera is restored,and everyone comes back to work.Since Jerri and Andre are back from Vegas,he plans a wedding reception/masquerade.Erik sends everyone letters and they all go to the main hall to read them aloud.Andres note says"Welcome back,dear sirs.Even though some of you have witnessed my defeat,I'm still not out of the game.We will do Don Juan again,but with Ally(yes,the african)as the lead.You know what happens when my orders aren't followed,OG(p.s.Congrats Andre,I'm sure you'll be happy).Chrissy is sort of upset that she wasn't chosen(especially since the part originally was for her),and Ally wasn't known as a singer.Carlys note says"Look lady,you're 42 years old and not old enough to star anymore.So take your doggie and your boxie and visit your fat husband in the ER."Carly yells"He's not fat,he's just big-boned!"She goes to Chrissy and says"We both have been kicked out of our lead roles,lets start a clique!We shall form a bond!!"And just then Carly and Chrissy started the Former Prima Donnas Clique.Mme. Girys note says"Get your daughters affections away from our conductors son!First of all,If he knew he would be flustered and the music would sound terrible,second,relationships in the workplace aren't healthy,and third,well,we both know that erie third reason,don't we?"Mme. Giry glares at Meg and walks off.Raoul didn't read his aloud,But this is what it said,"I have accepted that you are the one Chrissy loves,but lets keep it real.Her mind still belongs to me.I got your letter and I accept.For me to let go of her,she must let go of me as her angel and let you sing to her soul as I did.We shall meet at 2:00 in the main lair.OG"The ring was wrapped in the note,so Raoul put in his pocket and set his watch for 2:00.

To be continued.....
Please comment guys!



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Name: Laura | Gender: Female | Age: 26 | Posts: 279 | Roses: 0
Old 03-27-2008 at 04:24 AM
Ange de Musique
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Blessed4Eternity

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 Post [2]


Hello, fellow home skillet! (Yes, I stole your phrase, mwahaha! :p)

I am assuming you would like constructive criticism, so here goes. (If you don't, please just disreguard me, I don't mind ;)) You might want to consider changing the arrangement of the sentences. As in, placing paragraphs each time the sentence alters to someone else's perspective. I found this very confusing to read, because of the constant " head hopping," going on between all of the characters.

I loved this sentence: "So take your doggie and your boxie and visit your fat husband in the ER." That was funny!! :D It made me laugh. Your story is not retarded, and I liked the humourous aspect of it. You just might want to consider making it a little easier to read. ;)

Kindest Regards,

Laura

P.S. Is this fan fic you told me about, the one you said you might like your ending better than mine? Or, have you another fan fic. written? Please, let me know in a pm. Thanks!



"What you do in this life echoes in eternity."
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Name: margarita | Gender: lonely heart | Posts: 38 | Roses: 10
Old 03-27-2008 at 02:09 PM
cornholianphantomess
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Could be a crackhead?

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 Post [3]


Well,thats just how we wrote the story.We didn't plan to write,we just wrote all our ideas in whimsical behavior.So by the time we got most of our laughs and ideas out ,we didn't care for structure.And the way I author it,I wanted to keep it in present tense,I don't know why,but I just do.Thanks for the advice.But your story is kind of like a real book,mines just a funny long story.
And its just me,when it comes to paragraphs,cause once I start writing,I keep going and going and I don't stop.Thank ya verdy,verdy much for posting.(I put myself in cause I wanted to marry Erik.Hey,its my story!!)



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Name: Laura | Gender: Female | Age: 26 | Posts: 279 | Roses: 0
Old 03-27-2008 at 02:39 PM
Ange de Musique
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Blessed4Eternity

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 Post [4]


Very, very true! ;) It definitely is YOUR story, to do with as you will. As I said, these were just my suggestions.

Have fun writing! ;)

Laura



"What you do in this life echoes in eternity."
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Name: Emmy/Dolly/Eight/Dare | Gender: Mademoiselle | Posts: 853 | Roses: 10
Old 03-28-2008 at 12:59 AM
phantom's_rose
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Can't say I'm sad to see you go..<3

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 Post [5]


Hehe, I loved that doggie/boxie part!! Hehe! This is hilarious. Keep writing!

And another tip: In between sentences, put two spaces. It helpes, because it's eaiser to read. And that is what it tells you to do on Microsoft Word...if that matters any.

I am greatly enjoying this story! Please keep writing! LOL, I would of put myself in too. Who doesn't want to marry Erik? Well...a lot of people I guess...but Erik fans do! :D

KEEP WRITING OR I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN AND...GIVE YOU A KEY BOARD TO TYPE IT ON! MWAHAHAHA!


I'll never let this go, but I can't find the words to tell you

I don't want to be alone, but now I feel like I don't know you
Opinions I would try and rewrite
If life had background music playing your song
I've got to be honest, I tried to escape you
But the orchestra plays on

~Banners by Tianna, Chrissy, Mark, and Jasmine~1 of 4 Proud Spouses to Viktoria!~Special thanks to Hayley W. and Stephan C.~
~I love little Mr. Bob ~
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Name: margarita | Gender: lonely heart | Posts: 38 | Roses: 10
Old 04-07-2008 at 01:39 PM
cornholianphantomess
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 Post [6]


Thanks for commentin' guys.

Here's the second part and its even dumber than the first(bear with me)

Chapter 2

Before dress rehersal for Don Juan,Chrissy gives Ally the costumes and Ally says"I see why you were entranced by him for all that time,His voice is the bomb!" Chrissy,not knowing what that meant,guessed that she liked his voice during Don Juan. They had a hour before rehersal and Meg used this time to see the conductor. She was so nervous when she approaches him that see unwillingly blurts out what her feelings are for his son and whats going on between them and everyone hears and are like "Whats up with that?" Mme. Giry starts toward Meg,but Meg runs off in mortification. She tries to find Chrissy,but Chrissy had used the hour to go visit Erik and have him sing to her. Chrissy remembers the way to the main lair,so its all good!! She wants to hear his voice some mores(like that one snack,s'mores). Erik prepares for Raouls lesson and sees Chrissy comin'. He tries to grab his mask but thinks"Why bother?Shes already seen." Chrissy says",Yoo hoo,Erik Could you please sing me the music of the night? Its been too long since I heard you". Erik knows that Raouls gonna be here any minute .So he says"I'll always love my first love but you're going to have another angel of music,and besides you turned away from me the last time you were here. "Im sorry!I'll never turn away from you again!My cool points are out the window and I'm all twisted up in the game,just sing to me!You're my angel!" Erik says"Not anymore!I gotta be someone elses angel now" Chrissy says"Who?Is it someone I know?"
Erik says "Well,yeah,but go on now!I got transpositions to write and such,and what not,ya know?" Chrissy leaves feeling rejected a little, but thinks to herself"Who's this someone else?I shall find out!For justice!!!" Erik feels a little bad for sending her away in such a frank tone,but Raoul comes and they get to stepping. Meanwhile,Chrissy gets over herself back at the theater and assures herself that Erik loves her,but still wonders what that Angel of Music no. 2 thing meant. She sees Meg in tears and asks whats wrong. Meg tells her what went on when she was gone. Chrissy says"the conductor has a son?" Jerri comes and yells at Chrissy and Meg for being late to practice. Chrissy yells back"You ain't the judge of us!!Just cause you're the managers wife doesn't mean you can treat us unjustly!" Jerri says "Sure I can,just not directly." She smiles deviously and goes to the office to make evil plans.Chrissy heads for the stage,but meg is pulled into a corner by Mme. Giry.
To be continued....



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Name: Patricia Jane [pətrɪʃə dʒeɪn] | Gender: Lady | Age: 23 | Posts: 2,327 | Roses: 50
Old 04-08-2008 at 01:16 AM
Hidden Away
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Blossoming New Life

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 Post [7]


TOOOO FUNNY!!!! NO complaints!


We were angels once, don't you remember? Joys in life, inside our souls; and nobody knows, just you and me. It's our secret.
And your child-like eyes, and your distant smile; I'll never be this happy again! You and I. And no one else. || Maybe he'll come today. Maybe he came already...
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Name: Emmy/Dolly/Eight/Dare | Gender: Mademoiselle | Posts: 853 | Roses: 10
Old 04-09-2008 at 11:23 PM
phantom's_rose
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Can't say I'm sad to see you go..<3

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 Post [8]


I LIKE IT!!!!!!!!! WOO HOO!!!!!!!!!!! YES, it was really funny. Please continue!


I'll never let this go, but I can't find the words to tell you

I don't want to be alone, but now I feel like I don't know you
Opinions I would try and rewrite
If life had background music playing your song
I've got to be honest, I tried to escape you
But the orchestra plays on

~Banners by Tianna, Chrissy, Mark, and Jasmine~1 of 4 Proud Spouses to Viktoria!~Special thanks to Hayley W. and Stephan C.~
~I love little Mr. Bob ~
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Name: margarita | Gender: lonely heart | Posts: 38 | Roses: 10
Old 04-19-2008 at 11:59 PM
cornholianphantomess
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Could be a crackhead?

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 Post [9]


Thanks for the comments guys!!

(part)Chapter 3

Mme. Giry says"How could you love him?And now you've made a fool of us both!"Meg says"Well, we've known each other forever,and he was too shy to tell his dad,so I did!" Mme. Giry says"You dont understand.20 years ago,I was conductor,but the manager then thought that having a female conductor was inappropriate,so he hired M. Reyer.So you can't like his son.Also ,I wanted you to marry a rich dude,so thats why I tired to hook up Chrissy and Erik,but since SHE has Raoul,the only sensible thing you can be now is a nun."
Mme. Giry goes to teach ballet while Meg sits there shocked at what she's heard.

I know that was very short,but thats all I had time for.

Chapter Three will be continued,Toodles!!!



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Name: margarita | Gender: lonely heart | Posts: 38 | Roses: 10
Old 04-22-2008 at 10:51 PM
cornholianphantomess
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Could be a crackhead?

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 Post [10]


Meanwhile,Jerri is making suggestions for the cast and she makes Carly play the old woman in the play.Carly is furious and runs off to visit Piangi in the ER(hey!Jerri's not evil,she's just using her resources).Practice ends and everyone leaves except Chrissy since she can't find Raoul.Ally goes down to the main lair and sees Erik and Raoul wrapping up song lessons.Raoul says"What the hecks are you doing here?"Erik says"She's my new babe!"Raoul says"So thats why shes starring,I knew it was rigged!"Raoul leaves and Ally says"What the hecks was he doing here?" Erik says"Thing is,I still have Chrissys mind,and so to give it to Raoul,he has to sing like me."Ally says"Oh,Thats good.Here,babe,I got you some intensive aloe lotion for that burn."Raoul heads to the main hall and sees Chrissy looking for him.He sings some of what he's just learned and Chrissy listens.Raoul goes to her and she says"Raoul,did you hear the angels pretty music?"Raoul says "Yes,it was beautiful" and he's glad the lessons are working already.Jerri stayed behind after rehersals a bit and Ally catches her and says"Jerri,guess what I know!The Viscount is taking singing lessons from the Phantom so he can have her mind,musically!!"Jerri says"Good,its about time she got over that freak!"Ally says"Don't you call my man a freak!"Jerri says"Your man?Thats why you're starring,I knew it was rigged.But if you don't,the opera house will suffer.Hey,did you hear what Meg did today?" Ally says"Wait!If we're going to have a gossip moment,let me call the crows for some cake and then we'll chat".And so they go off to gossip!!!

To be contined....
Please comment guys!!!
Everybody dance now!!!



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