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View Poll Results: How is it?...(the story, is what I mean)
it's okay (3-4 stars) 3 16.67%
I love it! (5 stars) 11 61.11%
HATE IT! (1 stars) 0 0%
not sure..... (n/a--unsure) 3 16.67%
horribly written, but nice idea! (2 stars) 2 11.11%
Multiple Choice Poll. Voters: 18. You may not vote on this poll

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Name: janne | Gender: female | Age: 30 | Posts: 26 | Roses: 10
Old 01-15-2008 at 10:36 PM
silver moon
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wow, I love this story! cant wait for more teeee
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Old 01-19-2008 at 07:36 AM
A_Single_Rose
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Continue it! Pray, continue this work in progress. It is coming along alright, I must say. For curiosities sake, please continue. I still feel that the story is moving on a little too quickly. Add in detail, lots and lots of detail to slow it down. And I would think that Erik and Melonie's ways of thinking would be different so you may want to think about having Erik talk or think differently. Is he more mature than Melonie? Then give him more serious and mature dialogue. That sort of thing.

If you want me to critique it more, I can if you would like me to.


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Name: Patricia Jane [pətrɪʃə dʒeɪn] | Gender: Lady | Age: 23 | Posts: 2,327 | Roses: 50
Old 01-21-2008 at 01:30 AM
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Oh God! If I wrote and made the story any slower the damned book would be 1000 pages if I published it! I wish, but if sucks already let's not ruin everything now! Um I hope you got my message and I suppose I'll be posting in about....a few days now...I had my first audition for Govenor school this week and next week as well so I don't know! Ummm, I'll give you a peek though...ummm next chapter talks about Melonie's religion and how Erik was baptized...umm eventually he's going to be a Christian once again...I know, a bit odd, but it is true that he was baptized....i even looked it up! and I'm reading Gaston's version! I love it so far and I only read 27 pages. (I only read for an hour inbetween babysitting my brother. Ummm, so yeah!


We were angels once, don't you remember? Joys in life, inside our souls; and nobody knows, just you and me. It's our secret.
And your child-like eyes, and your distant smile; I'll never be this happy again! You and I. And no one else. || Maybe he'll come today. Maybe he came already...
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Name: Patricia Jane [pətrɪʃə dʒeɪn] | Gender: Lady | Age: 23 | Posts: 2,327 | Roses: 50
Old 01-21-2008 at 03:58 AM
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I Never Knew It ~ Chapter 11  Post [34] »


Melonie

The next day, I visited Erik after dinner, like I said in my note.

"Thank you for being there for me last night, I really actually don't know why I started to cry....thank you though...." Erik said.

"Well, you welcome I guess....." I said flattered by Erik's words. He thinks about everything that could offend someone...

We were silent for a while, he just fiddle around with his fingers. I then just looked at him…he was so handsome…

He then looked up from his fingers and looked at me, but before he could notice I was looking at him, I shoot my head down to my fingers and meddled with them…..Please don’t notice….

He then brought me back to Earth with his gentle voice, "So what part are you going to get in the ballet next week?"

"I'm going to just be an extra...but I'll be in it at least. I'm happy with that," I said cheerfully.

"Who got the lead then?"

"You expected me to get the lead?" I asked surprised.

"But you deserve the part...."

"Oh gracious no!" I pleaded.

"I could talk to Madame Giry about it…"

I shook my head. I didn't want to make Madame Giry do anything. I also didn't want Erik to go back to his old ways, "Erik, no," I said sternly at first, then turned back to a cheerful side of my mood, "I'm happy with my part...beside you get to change five different time into a different costume...that's always fun. The drama of it all!" I joked, "Besides, just like mother use to always say, 'Even the best one's aren't always known...'"

"Meaning what?"

"Well, for example, some people, like you, have so many talents, but their known for something else that's not their specialty...could you say?"

"What does that have to do with getting a part that is lower than your challenge point?...you need more of a challenge don't you?" He demanded an answer as he rested his cleft chin on top of his fist as his head lowered down. His eyes were now almost a bit lower than my eye level.

I just smiled with dertemination, "Well, there's someone always better than you...right?"

"Not in your case..."

I just rolled my eyes and smiled.

"Then who's better than all the dancers? Humm?" He questioned for a dilemma.

"A challenge? I'll take it...well, amongst the dancer's there is someone better than everyone, yes, but the mistress is always better the best dancer. She's the one that knows everything."

"Well, true, then who's better than the dance mistress then?" Erik fought to find his claim right.

I smiled at his rebellious attitude and fought back, "The teacher is the best among the student of course.....but there is always a better teacher among all teachers...."

"Then who's the best among all the teachers?"

I just smiled at him, "God...."

"You're a Christian. I see. How could I miss place the thought?" Erik questioned himself...he actually wasn't surprised.

"Ummhum, and proud of it...Do you believe in God?" she asked him.

He nodded, "I know it's odd to hear, but I was actually baptized when I was born, took a shock to the priest, but I'm a Christian as well."

"Ah, there's no surprise there..." I reassured him.

"To other people it just might be one then. But sometimes I completely loss all of my faith...but now that I've met your influence I think my faith is growing back....it actually the strongest it has ever been..."

"Well, my father was very strong believer, he always would tell me, 'No matter how much faith you have, you still have faith. Even the least bit of it could pull you through anything..." she said startlingly...she loved quoting her father's quotes to life.

"Your father was a wise man...." Erik said obviously once again.

"He is, I've learned so much from him....about everything I know, he taught me.…"

"Were you home schooled when you lived with your parents still? Or should I say ship schooled considering the fact you lived on a ship since you were born till the age of, what, twelve....I guess..."

"Right...um well, you can say that...yes I was ship schooled...." I said following the joke.

"Who taught you?"

"My mother...."

"Your mother?" Erik asked with a bit of shock.

"She always wanted to be a teacher back in the Philippines, but as you know that women don't have to right to do anything of the sort...." I said in a governmental voice. Of course as making a joke against the government's ridiculous rules and laws, "So she taught me and father didn't mind one bit. He believe that women were as good as men were...especially my mother....they both had so much faith in each other. The only difference between men and women is that we just have feminine in us...."

"He was a very just man as well, hum?"

"He very well was..." I said thinking about her father....

Erik just smiled at me. His smile reminded me of father...

"You know what?" I started.

"What?"

"You remind me so much of him...."

"Of who?" Erik asked confused.

"My father....both of you have the same personality, very, very much the same…"

"Does that bother you?"

He was worried for me?

"No, it somewhat reminds me that he's watching over me....."

"He loves you very much doesn't he...."

"I've loved him...."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~*

Sorry it took so long, all these auditions to go to and things to memorize and notes to hit, there seems like no more time! Hope this is to your pleasing...A_Single_Rose I know this seem to move really fast but if I made any more chapter than there already are...Oh God....why did I agree to that dare from my friends! (This is how it all started...from and 7th grade memorial dare and a small composition journal with many lyrics and song...*smiles at the good old days!)

P.S. This reminds me, Gerard Butler was to be laywer, but was fired from his firm. Thank God he was fired!!! hehe! sorry, but he's a wonderful actor!


We were angels once, don't you remember? Joys in life, inside our souls; and nobody knows, just you and me. It's our secret.
And your child-like eyes, and your distant smile; I'll never be this happy again! You and I. And no one else. || Maybe he'll come today. Maybe he came already...
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Name: Diane | Gender: Female | Age: 26 | Posts: 142 | Roses: 10
Old 01-21-2008 at 05:31 PM
death_shadows
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 Post [35] »


yay very good


*In every shadow there is light, in every tear a smile. In death I know there still is life that lingers for awhile.*-Anonymous

●I am but a mere black rose....I am but the shadow that cloaks the night, forever bond to darkness...yet am I really such a fright?●

"Death, that hath sucked the honey of thy breath, hath had no power yet upon thy beauty." -Romeo

"I felt myself shrinking and shriveling before her clear, candid gaze. I was once more that small boy, twisting a napkin around my finger in absolute terror that my request would be denied. Such a little thing, really, a kiss...most people don't give it a moment's consideration. They kiss on meeting, they kiss on parting, that simple touching of flesh is taken entirely for granted as a basic human right."-Erik from Susan Kay's Phantom-
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Name: Rose/Michele | Gender: A Woe to Man | Posts: 1,716 | Roses: 220
Old 01-21-2008 at 08:48 PM
A_Single_Rose
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 Post [36] »


I like the dialogue between the two. It's kind of cute and sweet, especially when they were talking about "there's always someone better than you". It wasn't bad, it was pretty good. The grammar and spelling has improved (thank you, dear editor".) Brava! Keep going!


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Name: Patricia Jane [pətrɪʃə dʒeɪn] | Gender: Lady | Age: 23 | Posts: 2,327 | Roses: 50
Old 01-21-2008 at 08:59 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by A_Single_Rose View Post
I like the dialogue between the two. It's kind of cute and sweet, especially when they were talking about "there's always someone better than you". It wasn't bad, it was pretty good. The grammar and spelling has improved (thank you, dear editor".) Brava! Keep going!
I edited it this time!!!! last time I got too lazy to edit hehe!


We were angels once, don't you remember? Joys in life, inside our souls; and nobody knows, just you and me. It's our secret.
And your child-like eyes, and your distant smile; I'll never be this happy again! You and I. And no one else. || Maybe he'll come today. Maybe he came already...
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Name: Patricia Jane [pətrɪʃə dʒeɪn] | Gender: Lady | Age: 23 | Posts: 2,327 | Roses: 50
Old 01-21-2008 at 10:12 PM
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I Never Knew It ~ Chapter 12  Post [38] »


I love the way this chapter goes, even though I just blurred through it now! Hope you like it! Thank you for all of your support I love you all!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~*

Melonie

After a few weeks of visiting Erik, he seemed to become happier and happier and more cheerful each day. More of that wonderful smile, fooling around with each other, but mostly his faith was growing back. He quickly memorized every prayer that I knew--he was an exceptionally wonderful memorizer--, he learned parts of the mass celebration, and everything in-between. One day he surprised me by showing me a tunnel way to Norte Dame's vents. We'd pray together and go to mass every week we could. He has a very strong faith in Our Lord. I was happy for him.

But on some days his faith wasn't so strong. One time I came down to tell him that I receive a bit of a higher role that ever before in my dancing career, but every thought of myself was torn away when I heard his wonderful voice, singing words of sorrow and compassion.

No one would listen
No one but her
Heard as the outcast hears....


I could hear water as it pasted through his fingers...if feel as though everything was slipping out of his hands. And the feeling drifted off to me as well...Why must he make me feel such ways?

Shamed into solitude
Shunned by the multitude
I learned to listen
In my dark, my heart heard music.


He started to stand up from this sitting position, I had to hid more for he'd see me. I quickly sprinted to a corner before he could turn completely around.

I longed to teach the world
Rise up and reach the world
No one would listen
I alone could hear the music


He then turned his head and looked exactly at where I was hiding: Behind the red curtain. But just as I thought he'd suspected me around, he started at a different direction...but he was still near...

Then at last, a voice in the gloom
Seemed to cry "I hear you";
I hear your fears,
Your torment and your tears


He was very close to where I was now. He was examining the picture of Christine that he's draw over the years. It somewhat hurts to see him singing about her. I felt a bit selfish about that thought, but I just did...I couldn't believe that she's insane enough to just leave him after all that they've gone through. It just hurts...It hurts me and I know it hurts Erik...

She saw my loneliness

He then picked up a rose, that looked fairly new, but was a bit dried out. Once again it had a black, satin ribbon around it.

Shared in my emptiness

He then moved to sit down at a chair near a model of the Opera House. There were small figures of Christine and other dancers and other people for the production of Don Juan Triumphant.

No one would listen
No one but her
Heard as the outcast hears


No one would listen
No one but her
Heard as the outcast hears...


The song was lonely, sad, and brought tears to my eyes.

How does he do that? Bring such power to music to move a woman's heart?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~*

Melonie

He then sat there, looking down. So humble and gentle.

I tried not to make a single sound as I slowly and cautiously walked towards his chair. He was gazing down so I tried to keep away from him so he wouldn't see my shoes and know that I was here the whole time! I was actually successful in hiding. Suppose his mind was on something else...

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~*

Erik


Why must I always pity and beat myself into nothing with I think she get's to my mind....God! She’s nothing to me...she was nothing but an obsession. It was unhealthy...to be obsessed....

I could do nothing but pity my stupidity and everything.

Little did I know that my thoughts were completely consuming me, I then noticed someone’s hand upon my shoulder. Warm, kind, gently it all was, but without thinking I grabbed their hand and was just about to scold them, until I saw it was the one that I need the most in such a horrid time like this. Her eyes so innocent, mysterious with a blackish, brown glow with the lights of the candles around us flickering as they reflect light off of them. Her hair shining, even in the darkness of this hell I live in. Now to have her hand in mind, gave a warm sensation that bore from my stomach and it traveled all over me.

She only could gasp as I reacted in such a way. I felt quite embarrassed for my impulse, so I could only do the first that came to mind. I drew her into my arms as I clung to her for my heart feels so lonely.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~*
Melonie

I smiled as I took in the warm of his embrace. But this wasn’t exactly what I was expect after that 'threatened-cat-like' response.

After a while I pulled back and looked into those blue-green eyes of his and sat down at his feet.

"They all have no right to say that about you, Erik...they don't. . ."

Who are they to tell you,
Your point of view is wrong to?
I’m here to listen
I’m the light to shine you through


Don’t believe their laughs at you
Be strong I know that you
Would always listen
Everything will shine through you


Believe in faith, hope, and joy
Then one day they’ll hear you
But this to always know
Your heart is not alone


My heart was burdened too
Always know I’m a friend to you
I’m here to listen
Right from the start
I knew you’d believe in you heart


I’m here to listen
Believe in your heart
Then nothing’s to be apart....



My voice just drifted lower and to the point where I became I silent.

I then smiled the best smile I could offer him. But how could you smile greatly after that quick word and tune play? I tried very much to find the right words. I hope he won’t laugh...

“Thank you, Melonie...I needed someone to be there for me. Even just for a while."

Maybe not...

I felt the corner of my smile twitch and quiver as I felt nervous.

“So, you heard me?”

“How could anyone resist your voice, Erik? How could anyone not hear you? So pure and gently, yet..." I just sighed, "just wonderful. Is it really that hard for you with Christine and all?”

“She’s nothing but a memory in the lake of life, but yet it seems just like yesterday I gave her her first voice lesson.”

“Do want to talk about?”

“She was young...that’s an excuse I suppose?”

“What do you mean?”

“She sounded like a crow the first time I taught her...”

I couldn’t help but to giggle and smile a bit. He lightened up a bit as well...

“But that was then, I suppose we all learn something, more of everything, the hard way.”

“Ah, yes...I had to learn that sealing wax wasn’t a candy that’s melted...” I waited for a chuckle, but instead I received a chortle. I joined him in the teasing of myself.

“What crazy things did you do as a child?”

“Oh God...now I wanted to listen to mother and father. All those trips and dockings...all the mischief I‘d get myself into...” I just sighed at the memories.

“What is the most memorable thing that happened on these wonderful trips of yours?”

I had to think, “Well, there was once this time that I was with my parents...here, in France...in Paris. They were at Opera House watch an Opera of course. They left me alone with Hank, one of my father’s good friends. But the old, fool fell asleep, so I wandered off.”

“What did you do?” He asked with a slight sigh of laughter.

“I just walked, but then...there was something I stepped on near an alley. It was a monkey...a toy monkey. I believe it...it had cymbals in its paws. Just as I was about to put it my bag that mother made for me, a little boy, actually he was quite much taller than me, but he was standing a few feet away from me. But I could tell that he was wearing a bag of some sort on his head...so I couldn't make out who it was...”

I looked to Erik to see if I was boring him for he had been silent the entire time, “Continue if you’d like...” he looked quite interested as he bent over in his seat and leaned down to listen to my tale.

I nodded and looked off into the distance and thought harder about my encounter with that strange boy, “He walked up to me and held out his hand...I gave him the toy, believing it was his. He started to stagger away, but I stopped him and gave him a few francs for he looked very frail and then...he left...Just like that.”

I was consumed in thought until Erik's deep voice rang, “Did the monkey look anything like this?”

I didn't know what to expect but just as I turned I saw that Erik had a small monkey in Persian’s clothing with cymbals, “Exactly..." I could only mutter to myself, "Where did you find this?” I asked him dumbfounded as I took the old toy into my hands.

“You gave it too me...” He said quietly. Just as if he were to cry.

I feel as if might cry...

With that the clock chimed the first hour of the afternoon. I then quickly gave back to lovie toy back to Erik, “I...I must be going, lunch is over now...” I said not wanting to leave, but being last would cause suspicion...

“Alright...” He simply said.

“Good-bye...” I started to run but he stopped me.

“Melonie...?” Erik cried out.

“Yes?”

He walked up to me and took me in his arms once again, “It was you...you were my Guardian Angel many years ago...you gave me hope...I thank you, for I’m in your debt. And I hadn’t known even when we first met...Thank you.”

“Not at all...” Is all I could say. But I did know that it was something.

He was the boy...Erik was the boy from so many years ago...how could this be that I met him once again?

“I knew that you were familiar...” He smiled.

I just smiled as well, “Thank you...”

“No...thank you, Melonie...”

“You’re welcome...” I could only say. I then turned slowly and started to leave, the little boy that I once knew from many years ago. But not for good this time.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~*

Erik

She then turned reluctantly, and ran to the hidden corridor that I‘ve shown her before that lead to the theatre. As she looked over her shoulder, she smiled and waved. She then left as I watched her retreating figure leave.

She’s the girl....Melonie was that little girl...my Guardian Angel....the one that watched over me....and now, she's the one things that makes me happier than I ever could be...how is this? How is this?.....Lord, oh God....how is this?


We were angels once, don't you remember? Joys in life, inside our souls; and nobody knows, just you and me. It's our secret.
And your child-like eyes, and your distant smile; I'll never be this happy again! You and I. And no one else. || Maybe he'll come today. Maybe he came already...
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Name: Diane | Gender: Female | Age: 26 | Posts: 142 | Roses: 10
Old 01-22-2008 at 02:17 AM
death_shadows
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 Post [39] »


wonderful ^^ loved it


*In every shadow there is light, in every tear a smile. In death I know there still is life that lingers for awhile.*-Anonymous

●I am but a mere black rose....I am but the shadow that cloaks the night, forever bond to darkness...yet am I really such a fright?●

"Death, that hath sucked the honey of thy breath, hath had no power yet upon thy beauty." -Romeo

"I felt myself shrinking and shriveling before her clear, candid gaze. I was once more that small boy, twisting a napkin around my finger in absolute terror that my request would be denied. Such a little thing, really, a kiss...most people don't give it a moment's consideration. They kiss on meeting, they kiss on parting, that simple touching of flesh is taken entirely for granted as a basic human right."-Erik from Susan Kay's Phantom-
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Name: Rose/Michele | Gender: A Woe to Man | Posts: 1,716 | Roses: 220
Old 01-22-2008 at 04:41 AM
A_Single_Rose
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 Post [40] »


Oh, that is so sweet how Melonie first encountered Erik long ago. Aw... Your writing style has improved a bit since the first chapter. The word choice is better and Erik sounds more 18th century. Much better. Your details aren't bad, either. Brava. I await the coming of more!


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